Down 30 Pounds, Still Starving ... But Overjoyed

Last week, I gained for the first time in a long time and I had to reflect on why that was. Perhaps it is because it's the first time in the whole year of this transformation that I'm truly happy with myself and my life.

I am immensely blessed. The joy and security that comes with knowing that someone "is in your corner" cannot be expressed, especially since it's been so long since I've felt this way.

This man is incredible. He is taking me to Maui for my birthday and  to Boston to meet his family in September for his sister's wedding. For three weeks, he was traveling and I was in a daze. I craved talking to him and connecting with him, even though we were on opposite coasts.

These last few months been an interesting time of reflection for me because I didn't think finding someone so awesome who "gets me" was possible, but with God ... all things are possible.

I'm not beating myself over 1.8 lbs gained, because I've gained so much more than that -  a best friend, a partner in crime, someone who tells me I'm beautiful without an ounce of makeup on, a supporter and but at the end of the day, love.

To love and to be loved is the greatest gift you can give AND receive.

Have a great weekend everyone!

-Down 30 and 20 more to go to reach goal

Closet Overhaul

This weekend, I went shopping. Not just the "oh it's on sale, I should pick it up" shopping. No, the "overhaul, clean EVERY single pair of pants and jeans in your closet and start over, but with a smaller size" kinda shopping.

And, was it GLORIOUS!!!

With the invention of stretch, you don 't always know what exactly is your true size, unless you're buying the dreaded DRESS PANTS! Those bad boys won't give an inch so when I was able to try on pants after pants and even dresses in a smaller size, I was so freakin' ecstatic!

It's really awesome to see results on the scale every week, but only until you go shopping does it really make a difference.

This week, I'm traveling to the Midwest where it will be bread and carbs galore. I even have Panera catering one of my lunches and oh my goodness, those shortbread cookies can bring this girl to her knees!!!

 This post is really meant to be a reminder to myself to be good and remember the smaller size I was shopping for. May those new pants fit on Saturday when I return home. *Fingers & toes crossed*

-Down 24.2 pounds since July!

Still Starving ... But Down 20 Pounds

After nine months of Weight Watchers, I'm finally down 20 pounds. Losing weight is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but thankfully, at work, I'm surrounding by healthy, athletic people who eat well and exercise. Plus, it doesn't hurt that we only have one cafe in the business park and they serve pretty healthy food.

Salads with grilled chicken are a mainstay for me at lunch and I always give my four-legged friend Marvin a taste!

I'm refocusing my goals and I'm thinking it's another 20 more pounds, which will put me at the thinnest ever in my adult life.

Fingers crossed! Wish me luck!

Appalled and Utterly Speechless

I know I haven't written a blog post in a year (gasp, I know) but after what happened to me last night, I had to resurrect my blog just to showcase the ugliness that still exists in some people.

I met Mr. Gun Show via Match last Tuesday where he winked/emailed me. I thought he was a little young for me (29, gasp!) but he was cute and seemed to have a great profile. He had a great job (Physician's Assistant) and came from a great family. The biggest drawback was that he lived three hours away in Fresno.

We started texting and he was very consistent with it. We finally spoke two days later and we set up a coffee date for Saturday afternoon, around 3 once he was off work.

I woke up at 7:00 a.m. on Saturday and drove to Fresno. After having lunch and getting pedicures with my girlfriends, he texted and asked if I really wanted to meet him. (RED FLAG #1) I assured him I did and we met at 3:30. I was a few minutes late because I had to drive across town in the rain and he was sitting there at a table. He didn't get up to greet me, just said hi (RED FLAG #2) as I sat down. I had to get up to get my own tea which I had to buy myself (RF #3). Sat down and he had his body completely turned away from me so that his shoulder was facing me. The conversation was stilted and awkward. (TOO MANY RED FLAGS TO CONTINUE TO COUNT)

Finally, after 45 minutes, we exited Starbucks. It's pouring down rain and he just turns to get into his car without a handshake, "it was nice to meet you", nothing. Just turned around and left.

The crazy then starts. He texts, "that was so awkward' and "i can't believe i hustled to leave work early for that" to which I replied, "I'm sorry I inconvenienced you by driving three hours to meet you." Finally he calls me so that we're not going back and forth on text.

He proceeds to berate me for not giving him a chance nor allowing him to get to know me. I know I have walls and I know I have issues, but I was reacting to the vibe he gave off. After about a half hour, he asks if we could have dinner to start over. In my quest to try to break down some of those walls, I relented and agreed. We meet for dinner and had a really great time and ended with a quick peck. Seems normal enough right?

He decides he wants to drive up to meet me on his day off, which I thought was great. I was looking forward to seeing him again. He texted last night and asked how things were going, to which I replied, "I'm at Bible Study, can I call you at 9:30 when we're done?" "Are u sure u have time for a relationship?" "Yes, I always make time for what's important."

We finally talk at 10:15 and he tells me that because I go to Bible Study groups and teach preschool, I should become a nun. (Yes, I'll pause while you pick your jaw up off the floor)

Then he says that he was talking to a friend of his about me and was saying that he thought I was abnormal because religion "is all i ever seem to do." (Disclosure, it plainly outlines this in my Match profile ... since he contacted me, there shouldn't have been any surprises, right?)

At this point, I'm rendered speechless and tell him he completely disrespected me and I thought he was being mean and hurtful, to which he said he didn't think so. I said "Take care" and hung up on him. Then he texts, "that's why ur single."

W.O.W.

I don't respond and then he calls me. Against my better judgement, I picked up the phone to which he says it's rude to hang up on people. We continue to go back and forth arguing and I just tell him that I don't want him to come up, we're too different and we want different things.

Then I schooled him on picking up the $2 tab for a coffee date and standing up to greet someone and properly saying goodbye.

Sigh! It's not often I am speechless, but just wow. Oh well, onto bigger and better things.

Not as Starving ...

In June, I made a decision to take better care of myself and also because my birthday trip to Turks and Caicos was looming, and I joined Weight Watchers. Eight weeks later, I'm down close to 15 pounds. While I wasn't completely pleased with my vacation photos from the Caribbean, I  know I'm on the right path.

It's a daily struggle to eat smaller portions and more healthy, but after reading that Weight Watchers spokesperson Jennifer Hudson is now shopping for size 0 clothes, I know it's attainable. I just need to to stick to the eating plan and exercising, but that's the hardest part for me. It's so much more fun to go out for dinner or go drinking.

Costa Rica will soon be upon me, so I need to kick myself in the butt and ensure that the marathon, not the sprint, is successful!

I promise to be better at updating my readers on my progress.

Operation Marriage 2011?

In January, I had a conversation with a friend at church who told me that in 2011, it was going to be her goal to meet someone and get married, if if was God's will, of course.

So it got me thinking, is this something that you can mentally embark on and will it to happen?

I had a coversation with my BFF earlier today and she mentioned that she heard of a girl who booked a venue, put down a deposit on a specific date and bought a dress, however she wasn't even dating anyone. She did all of that because she was confident that she would find her happily ever after by her due date. I don't know if she ever did.

I think there is some societal pressure to get married. If you're not coupled up by a certain age, people think something is wrong with you. Do people really have an expiration date for when they can find love?

Apparently, my BFF's mom thinks so. She even created a fake profile on a dating site "just to see if there were any guys out there" for her. While her heart was in the right place, I understand why my BFF was upset. IMHO, I think she wants grandchildren and wants to do everything she can to get them, including a little deception. :)

So at the end of the day, I'm not out to "get married" by the end of year, but I do think that getting out there and meeting people, telling people to set me up is a good start.

I've made a pact with my BFF that in April, we both have to do something that forces us to make strides to meet new people. My April task is to FINALLY take golf lessons. I have a set of clubs, golf balls and golf shoes. I just have to overcome my fear and just do it. I just need Mr. Sunshine to cooperate.

Silence Your Inner Critic

I had a really interesting conversation with a dear friend and colleague earlier this week when we were chatting about eating healthier and exercising.

I shared that I wasn't drinking at the happy hour happening that evening because I had too much bubbly over the weekend and felt bloated and fat, to which she admonished me and said I look gorgeous. It made me question why I always put myself down and call myself fat. I would never dream about calling a friend the "f-word" so why is it okay to call myself that?

In short, it's not ok to constantly put myself down. I need to silence my inner critic and tell myself that I'm beautiful, intelligent, talented, charming and honest. ;) If I don't believe it, no one else will.